Mr Ojie Okosun, a Relationship, Life Coach and Counselor says emotional intelligence is the secret to any form of lasting relationship, especially intimate relationships.
Okosun said this on Wednesday, in Abuja in a Special Valentine’s message tagged “Unleashing the power of emotional intelligence in relationship and work place”.
He said that emotional intelligence created the awareness of the entire changes that consistently appeared in ones live and in the lives of others.
According to him, through this awareness, one can actively take notice of changes both big and small that need immediate actions in a relationship.
“Emotional intelligence is seen as the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes, it helps an individual to communicate their needs and meet their partners need as well as navigate relationship conflicts effectively.
“Couples with matching levels of emotional intelligence tend to be happier and stay longer together.
“And, if the partner with lower emotional intelligence is willing to improve themselves and both partners are committed to making the relationship work, it can get better,” he said.
Okosun said that dating a partner who was too emotional could be overwhelming because it was usually not easy to keep emotions to oneself, hence the need for healthy communication.
He said that most times emotional needs were not the problems in relationships but that struggling to communicate those needs and lack of emotional intelligence to understand and meet those needs were the problem.
He said that intimate partners and work colleagues should understand that different environments could induce different levels of certain aspects of emotional intelligence hence the need for effective communication.
The relationship expert said that people with high emotional intelligence knew themselves and were also good at expressing their feelings because they had high social awareness and adaptability.
He said that someone could be successful at work but had poor relationship qualities, meaning emotional intelligence was not developed uniformly.
Okosun said that there were ways to spot emotional intelligence in a partner or a work colleague.
“Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware, if you can’t identify your own emotions, it’s very unlikely that you’re able to identify them in someone else.
“They’re curious about others, they are more likely to be open minded and curious, meaning that they are flexible in thinking.
‘They’re self-sufficient, they know their body and emotions which allows them to meet their own needs.
“They have good boundaries because when people are self-aware, they know what boundaries to set,” he said.
He, however, urged partners or colleagues not to allow emotions to override rational judgement by overlooking bad behaviors which was a sign of underdeveloped emotional intelligence.
He said that people who had healthy lasting non-romantic relationships with their friends and close family were emotionally intelligent.
Okosun advised lovers, couples and work colleagues to avoid conflicting needs and wants which mostly led to choosing wrong partners, having multiple failed marriages and failed romance.
He advised partners to share emotional experience in order to attain the desired type of love, intimacy, commitment and care they both deserved or yawned for.
He also advised couples to be open minded and sought changes in order to grow.
“Always seek for change in every relationship, any relationship not nudged towards the kind of growth you want will drift into change, so the ability to embrace change is very important
“The changes are opportunities not problems, see yourselves being resourceful in solving problems, don’t blame each other, respect each other’s feelings.
“Being in love doesn’t mean never feeling angry, disappointed, hurt, or jealous but how you act towards your partners emotions is key, ” he said.
The love coach said that many relationships had been ruined by blames instead of embracing and changing.
He urged couples to learn to accept and laugh over things and to keep improving in their relationships by paying attention to how each other’s feelings.
Okosun also advised partners to watch and monitor each others energy, thoughtfulness, and benevolence all the time.
According to him, this is exactly where we go wrong because people think they are in love for many reasons like lust, infatuation, desire for security, status, or social acceptance.
“They feel they found true love because the current prospect fulfills some image or expectation, but unless they know how they feel, their choice is destined to be wrong.
“Take a chance on reaching out, most times we often on guard with someone new and we automatically build barriers to getting to know each other and being vulnerable and this stage can be scary.
“But it is the only way to find out if real love is possible, so try being the first to reach out, if your partners reaction fills you with warmth, you may have found an empathic soul,” he said.
Okosun advised partners and colleagues to strive to understand and respond to each others’ emotional behaviors by considering each person’s feelings as well as their words.
