By Mary Jane
I’ve observed that there is generally a lazy nature that a lot of females adopt where it is almost as though they forget to “fill up their cups” (cup in this context meaning their entire selves, mind body, and soul) through the cause of their life journey.
Naturally, you can say that culture permits women to be full or empty after all a man will come and fill them up, balance things out, and complete the equation. (I don’t believe this anyway but yeah to each their own)
I will say that there is almost a permissible part of society that accepts this as the norm for females but no one ever thinks of the function of time and the time has indeed come because now females are filling and have filled themselves up.
The question then is what happens to the women that filled their cups and now have to interact with everyone as a matter of preference and not need? Those who don’t necessarily need marriage, relationships, or friendships to complete them but more for specific reasons like children or companionship or friendship?
Anyway, this write-up is about women and men who enter all relationships as full human beings; those who have grown mentally, physically, and emotionally; whose Intellect is intact, and who have the right amount of wit and usefulness in what their roles become in the marriage.
This thought is built up by observing a particular friend who consistently complains about the excessive dependency on her partner in almost everything; as in he literally needs her to contribute to every decision he makes which means she has to continuously research and think for him and solve his problems. Romantic right?
No.
She has tried to discuss this with everybody but they either romanticize, normalize or call the situation “the expectations” of marriage, or the norm ( I hate this word) when she is in fact draining gradually into nothing. It is not likely that a cup being emptied can continually pour. At some point, it must be refilled or its content will dry up. Does marriage/relationships then force one to empty themselves into filling others or does the other party go on a journey of filling themselves and bringing more into the relationship?
Another instance.
This guy’s wife simply can’t help him do anything, I mean literally nothing, electricity, water, food, clothing, Indomie, peanuts, absolutely nothing. This may have also worked if she didn’t have the taste for the shiniest objects she can lay her eyes on. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting the best but shouldn’t you be able to AFFORD the best?
I know that for some men this may not be an issue and money is literally not a problem but he works in a fairly good job that can give them an average life and she earns more than him meaning that with the combined income they can give HER her desired lifestyle but for her (and her mother) a man must take care of his family the way her father took care of his and should not expect contributions from a woman. It is not done.
So, he left home, rented a 2-bedroom flat in Apo, smaller than the 4-bedroom in Katampe, and asked her to move in when she was ready or file for divorce. The financial burden had drained him apparently. These days he looks lighter though laughs more and the girls keep coming and going.
This act of giving anything (mentally, physically, financially, etc.) is always nice when it is reciprocated. In the 1st story, he contributes physically but leaves all the mental work to her and now she is drained from filling his own cup.
The 2nd instance is literally common in most parts of the world. This means that being the ONLY full one in any marriage is a problem.
I think the work must continue and every party must contribute fully.
This is not a feminist post by the way, not that feminism is a wrong thing but this is just not a feminist write-up. It is also not a general view, just the writers’ who is basically just observing and love to ask the hard questions once in a while.
So?
Thoughts? Let’s know in the comment.
